Essay #1
Sam
Mr. Salsich
English
September 14, 2010
End of Summer, Beginning of School:
A Essay About The Start of A New Year
Have you ever felt that your bed is always comfier on a school morning? I get this feeling every Monday morning before school. I think the song and movie I chose explain this feeling perfectly.
TS- For me, the song that marks the end of summer is “Monday Monday”, by the Mamas and the Papas. SD- This song is very interesting because it can take on two meanings, depending on the time of year. CM- In the midst of summer, I love Mondays. However, when school is in session, and summer has ended, Monday takes on a new meaning. CM- During the beginning of summer this song has a nice calming tone to it, “Monday Monday so good to me”. But, when school comes around, it inherits a gloomy feeling, “Monday Monday can’t trust that day”. SD- After the summer has run its course, there is that one dreadful Monday that marks the end of summer. CM- The Mamas and the Papas sing, “When that Monday comes you can find me crying”. When that Monday morning rolls around, millions of kids, including myself, wake up with a puddle of tears on their pillow. CS-That Monday marks the end to freedom. That Monday marks the end of fun. That Monday marks the end of summer. That Monday is Labor Day. (parallelism)
TS- When school starts, clicks form, trouble starts, and kids come together. SD-The movie, “ The Breakfast Club”, resembles one side of school besides football nights, dances, and studying. It resembles “A brain, a beauty, a jock, a misfit, and a criminal”, who come together in detention. CM- The first week of school has ended and already five kids with different personalities are in a Saturday detention. CM- These kids are from every click possible, ranging from the geeks to jocks. CM- In an eight hour day, this unique group of kids realize, they have more in common than they thought. SD- The whole movie takes place in a school library with a passive dictator as the school faculty who monitors them. CM- Throughout the movie, they sneak through the whole school playing basketball, roaming the hallways, and rough housing in the library. CM- All of the scenery in this movie brings a back to school feeling to me. CS-Saturday finally ended, uniting clicks, creating respect for one another, and all were glad for that detention after all. (Participle)
Finding a movie and a song that relates to the end of summer and beginning of the school year was tricky. I believe that the song and movie I chose showed these connections very well. Everybody hates getting out of bed on a Monday to go work. Everybody hates going back to school and seeing classrooms and lockers.
Self Assessment- I think I did relatively well on this essay. I checked it over countless times and followed the advice that my partners gave me. I particularly like my song about Monday. That chunk flowed very nicely I thought. I did have some trouble with my last paragraph. It felt like the paragraph didn’t relate the movie to the beginning of school very well. For my next essay I will think extra hard about my topics so they are good ones.
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I loved how "wake up with a puddle of tears on their pillow" describes kids' feeling about the end of summer.
ReplyDeleteI thought that the two paragraphs focused a little too much on expaining the actual movie and song.
Especially in the second paragraph, I felt that it was almost like a movie review.
1) In your second CM of your first paragraph, you forgot to put the quotation marks at the end of your song quote.
ReplyDelete2) Your CS for your second paragraph, maybe you should just use "they" instead of "all" to make it sound a little more clearer and smoother.
3) Your CS to you first paragraph was very well done. It certainly wrapped up the paragraph nicely.