Sam
1/21/2010
Mr. Salsich
English
The Simple Way Of Living:
In Your Own World
The world can be an unforgiving and cruel place. It takes people like Jem to fix it. Jem still has many miles to go, but he has already found the biggest problem in the world; people being prejudice. At the Maycomb court, watching an innocent black man be sentenced to death, is where this problem was truly discovered. Jem is not the type of person who is going to sit back and watch this horrible problem continue or grow.
TS-In Chapter 23 of To Kill A Mocking Bird, Jem figures out why Boo Radley has stayed cooped up in his house for most of his life.SD-At the end of the chapter Jem says, “I think I’m beginning to understand why Boo Radley stayed shut up in the house all this time…..it’s because he wants to stay inside.”CM-Finally, Scout and Jem have figured out why Boo Radley stays inside all the time. CM-They concluded that the world is so cruel and filled with problems, it’s just easier to stay shut up in your own world.SD- The reason they figured this out now is because they have had first hand experience on how bad the world can be. CM-They have almost stepped into his shoes and felt how he feels.CM-As Jem and Scout grow older, they will learn more and more about the real world. Atticus states this point well when he tells Jem, “You’ve many more miles to go on, son.” SD-I personally think it is a little cowardish for Boo Radley to stay out of society because he is hiding from the world.CM- If you want to make the world a better place, you have to experience the problems and learn how to fix them.CM-By hiding under your shell, you will not change anything. Jem, who has a strong heart and determination, will one day change the world.(S-V split) CS-As long as there are people who are not scared to speak up for what is right, the world will be a better place.
I feel bad for Jem because he is so young and has no voice; It’s like he is drowing and he cant yell for help. He must get annoyed at Boo Radley because he has a voice, but chooses to sit inside and hide from the world. He is just a coward who does not want to experience what three kids have already experienced.
Self Assesment-
I think I did alright on my essay. I put a lot of time into rereading and checking it over for mistakes. I wish I didn’t forget to put in the SV-Split until the end of the essay. I had some trouble finding a good place for it. I also think my essay repeats a few times. Next time I will try to make my point without too much repetition.
The title of the book should be italicized, but that's just a little thing. I noticed that you had a lot of quotes in your essay but you didn't cite them so make sure you cite ur quotes. Overall your essay is very neat, I enjoyed that you had many quotes.
ReplyDeleteSam, the last CM contains a comma splice. Remember that you can't splice (join) two independent clauses (complete sentences) with a comma. You could use the comma with a conjunction, or just a semicolon, or a period.
ReplyDeleteThere are some other small problems, but I'll bet you can discover them with a really careful re-reading. Good luck!
Sam,
ReplyDeleteI like the first few sentences in your first paragraph. I think its interesting how you said Jem could fix some of the worlds problems but he still has a lot to lean. In your first paragraph you say "but he has already found the biggest problem in the world: people being prejudice". I think you should think about changing the "being" to a "are" because it might flow better. Also, in your second paragraph I noticed a few spelling errors. You might want to change "cowardish" to "cowardice".